Saturday, October 5, 2013

I'm Still Kickin'

What up minions?

To say I've been busy, may be an understatement, or actually an overstatement based on the current volume I'm actually doing in my store right now, who fucking knows. My blog has nearly vanished considering I haven't written since December. Anyways, I know you guys are all interested in my progress, and if not, FUCK YOU, BLOW ME, I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU! I am anonymous for a reason bitches!

Now that we got the unnecessary token cursing out of the way, here we go.

As of today's writing, I am at 7 months of being open and actually dispensing prescriptions.

This post has the potential to be one of the most humbling and honest things I can ever write, but I am pretty sure half way through I'll get bored, just give up and instead start spitting out rap lyrics...Let's do it...

The proudest moment of my professional life may have actually been getting "fired" from my previous big chain assfuck company. I'll give you a few hints as to who it was. It's the one that has a big W with twinkle twinkle little stars around it and the dude from Sex and the City is their new voice, and tell you America trusts them and they advertise they are healthy prostitutes located on corners all throughout this country. I was technically fired, but not really. They found out I was opening up own store and decided to politely tell me to fuck off. The best part was seeing my DM actually start crying when I said goodbye. THAT'S HOW GOOD OF A PHARMACIST I WAS AND YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE IT THAT I STILL AM!!! It finally put in perspective that now, as of that day, I am on my own. There is officially no turning back. If I want to survive, I need to do it on my own. Fuck everyone! It's me versus them and I am here to prove myself that I can do it.

Obviously, every business owner sets goals for themselves. I've hit some, not others, but I will. A big one I have is to eventually have someone work for me so that I can have a fucking day off.

Want to know about sacrifice? I've only had back to back days off ONCE in 7 months.

I don't need to be a millionaire, it would be nice, but I'd be fine with just getting my old salary back. I opened up my own place after realizing the dollar potential and EVENTUAL increase in quality of life. Eventual, cause as of today, that has not happened. I am fucking exhausted.

I knew this was going to be hard. Everyone I spoke to told me the same thing. I didn't care. I'm young, awesome, really fucking good looking, confident, and why the fuck not?

Yeah...its fucking hard.

You don't realize it, but your mind and body start undergoing a change. You become physically and mentally drained. All I think about is this business.
Where is my next patient going to come from?
How do I make sure they come back next month?
Do I really want to fill this Oxy 30 RX for this 19 year old that's rockin' diesel jeans and the using the iPhone 6 which doesn't even exist yet?
Should I advertise in this newspaper or that one?
Should I wear a lab coat?
Should I even wear pants?
Should I eat? Is it a tax write off if I say it's a business expense, what the fuck am I doing?

Again... What the fuck am I doing?

A business is like a baby, I know cause I have some.

You nurture it, feed it, and keep it clean. You invest time and money into it. You sacrifice your life to make sure it can grow properly. You blame yourself for its faults and praise yourself for its accomplishments. You look for a babysitter for a few hours, or even a whole day just so you can a few hours to yourself, or get out and do errands, most of which revolve around the damn thing, but you feel bad spending money on that so instead you stay yourself and cry into your hands. You go to bed wondering what impact you could have made to make it better. You wake up wondering what you actually will do to make it better. You yell at yourself, cause you, after all, are the parent. You brought it into the world and it's your job to get it to succeed.

You start thinking...too much...too little, never the right amount.

You start doubting yourself. Sometimes because you are just bored, sometimes because the business just isn't coming in.

You develop ADD cause you cant sit still.

You develop depression and don't want to get up.

You are now bipolar...congrats.

You watch Netflix at work, get addicted to dumb fucking Facebook games, talk to friends in Colorado, DC, and California because you need to justify yourself paying $300/month for 4 lines of unlimited long distance in the USA...just in case 4 people decide to call you at once.

Then you start to think about the potential again... Yeah, 4 people calling at once, holy shit! That would probably mean I'm busy. Fuck yeah it would. That would mean 4 people know the number to the store! The facebook, google, newspaper, diner menu, and church bulletins ads are suddenly working. People are interested in seeing what the fuck you have to offer! One person comes in, "Rite Aid is charging me $80 for 14 tabs of ciprofloxacin, I have no insurance, I cant afford that." You charge them $20, make a $15 profit, crack your first smile, have them leave happy. They tell their 70 yr old mother who is diabetic, asthmatic, and starting to lose her mind, what amazing service they just received from some dude at the new local pharmacy. She's on medicare, needs delivery, and Rite Aid's stock is $0.50/share for a reason. "Sure, I can transfer over all 12 of your medications here and have them delivered to you every month." Smile is slightly bigger.

It begins with just one. That's all you need to start. One patient to tell another that tells another and so on. That is what you hope for. Cause without hope, there is no fucking reason for you go into a business for yourself. Without confidence in yourself, you will never accomplish anything. I know you might be reading this and thinking I've lost my mind especially with all this sentimental, philosophical sounding bullshit. Maybe I have. I have changed a lot over the last 7 months, not all good changes, but lots of necessary ones. When you are your own boss don't think there aren't any stockholders harping down on you anymore, because there better be at least one. One that has to keep yelling at you to do better, you have no other choice. One that makes you think outside the box, the only one that fucking matters...YOU.

I am 29 years old, I have been working in a pharmacy since I was 17. I've seen it all and know how to handle it all when it comes to retail pharmacy. I have made sacrifices that I regret. I have made decisions I applaud. I paid myself, with my own business check, signed by the owner, me, made out to the motherfucking boss, me, last month for the first time ever. That trumped my previous proudest professional moment of being fired. That proved to me that this idea was not a bad one, it was a necessary one.

Just wanted to get some thoughts out of my head.

Thanks for checking in with me. I'll be back.

...Oh yea and no Rap lyrics either...Hooray!

Still keepin it real,
 The Highlander

Friday, December 28, 2012


OK you fucks, I am currently unemployed, I am at level 50 on Prestige level 2 in the new Call of Duty, and I am bored out of my fucking mind. I am still contemplating writing the book and this was going to be the first page. Let me preface by saying this story is 100% TRUE!!! It is too unbelievable to make up and I don't have the imagination to write something so ridiculous (I actually do, but seriously, this story is still 100% true)

I call it "The Cumdumpster"


The first day I had ever worked in a pharmacy was a day I could never forget. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to. It was that epic. It was so epic, that I, as a naive 18 year old thought it was the funniest thing I had ever been a part of and wanted more of it, forever!  Like I said though, I was very naive and that day might have been the highest point of my professional life. Before I get to the story, let’s set the mood a little shall we?

I had just been accepted to pharmacy school and decided to get a job in a pharmacy. Makes sense right? I mean that does make fucking sense, go work in the present so you can see your future, duh! This was a small independent pharmacy located no more than 8 minutes from my house. It was open over 60 years and by this point obviously had its loyal generational customer base. It was as if it’s legacy was placed into the last will and testament of each dead patient.

“To my oldest son, when I pass, my legacy must be fulfilled by continuing the family tradition of getting all our prescriptions filled at the same pharmacy I was receiving mine. They helped me survive to the ripe old age of 82, and will do the same for you... P.S. if you don’t want to follow in my footsteps, I am sure you can go to CVS down the street and get $25 gift cards for transferring over, that’s what I should’ve done, but I wasn’t able to drive anymore and now I’m dead and it’s too late for me. But not you son, go to CVS and get those cards and buy all the Maybelline lipstick you want for your wife. Also, your mother wasn’t really your mother.”

This place was a mini bodega, it sold fucking everything. Toilet paper, construction paper, rolling papers, paper dolls, newspapers, and of course college ruled paper. They offered Western Union, utility bill payment, cigarettes, lottery, milk, fax/copy services, greeting cards, and an entire section of magazines devoted only to porn. We aren’t talking some playboy or a little harder penthouse, I am talking hardcore 9 inch cock ripping through a tight little ass on the cover of the magazine porn. Porn with chicks dressed like clowns, granny porn, BBW porn, S&M porn, Hentai, every type of porn you could imagine and can’t imagine was being sold there. It was presented in all its glory wrapped in it’s cellophane with nothing but a half bent, unevenly cut piece of old cardboard running down the front stretch of shelving which managed to only cover the barcode and price on these magazines. If you’re wondering if I looked at any of these, the answer is obviously yes, but I would never be the one to initiate the perusing. Oh yeah, did I mention they also sold these tiny religious angel figurine trinkets too? 

Since you sort of have a gist of the place that employed me, it should also give you a good notion of the diverse clientele that would spend/waste their money/time in there.

Anyway...It was my first day in the pharmacy and first day as a tech. As I approached the end of my shift I had already fucked up once badly by answering a call from a doctor and taking down a new script only to get my ass reamed out by my narcotic addicted (found that out years later), Rush (the band) loving, former valedictorian, pharmacist I was working with. His usual threat was to throw me into a trashcan and roll me into the street. He also enjoyed me hitting him in the stomach as hard as I could to show he could take it. Can someone say, “Daddy issues?” Did I mention he was insane? Oh well.  We received a phone call close to an hour before closing, this call changed my life. I mean, this is what pharmacists do? They answer questions and situations like this? I can do this, it’s awesome. Here is exactly how it went down:

<Phone rings>
ME: Pharmacy, how can I help you?
ME: Hello???
UNKNOWN: <pant, pant, pant> hello?
ME: Yes, can I help you?
OH, ITS A GIRL: yea...<pant, pant, pant> yea ... oooh 
ME: Ummm?
THE PANTING GIRL: Ummmmm.... <pant, pant> I have a question...oooooooh
ME: Yes?
THE PANTING GIRL: (to someone in the background) hold up a sec, I’m on da phone wit da pharmacy man... Yeah hello?
ME: Yes?
THE PANTING GIRL: yeah, I was just wondering if its okay for me to have sex while on Terazol?
Me: Ummmmmm, let me find out...

I put her on hold.

ME: Hey Joe, this lady on the phone is asking if it’s ok to have sex while on Terazol? What’s Terazol?
JOE (the pharmacist): It’s for a nasty filled vagina, so no probably not. 
ME: What if she sounds like she’s having sex right now?
JOE: Put her on speaker phone.
ME: Okay

ME: Ummm miss, I asked the pharmacist and he said it’s probably best you don’t 
THE PANTING GIRL: <pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant pant, pant, pant> Really? But I’m about to finish.
JOE: Then just finish and contact your doctor tomorrow if you feel you are having any extra symptoms afterwards.
THE PANTING GIRL: mmmmm mmmmm okay, thanks

<hang up>

DELIVERY DRIVER (listening in the whole time): I once ate our a girl that was on that shit but didn’t tell me until later.

This concludes the story of the cumdumpster.

Thursday, November 29, 2012


Alright folks, if you haven't read it by now, or your mom's cousin's aunt's neighbor didn't fill you in...



I WAS FIRED FROM MY PREVIOUS EMPLOYER because they found out about my store and it is a conflict of interest.

I feel very indifferent about the firing. I am very upset because my store isn't scheduled to open until probably Mid-February/Early March so I will have ZERO FUCKING INCOME for a few months.  I pray I will be able to get through these next few months. I have applied for unemployment for the first time ever but who knows if I will actually get it. I tried receiving forbearance on my $1500 monthly student loan payment but they told me to FUCK THE FUCK OFF! Thank you CitiBank Student Loans, I hope you fucking get eaten by Godzilla as he smashes your fucking headquarters in...

Anyways, I knew this day would come I just thought it would be a month before I could open up. As the saying goes, "when it rains, it pours." Everything is happening so suddenly and I can't even keep up with emails from wholesalers, software consultants, other pharmacists trying to solicit their buying groups to me, dick enlarging spam...there is a lot of shit and all happening at once. I can tell you this though...I know I can fucking do this, I know I can succeed, if I didn't have the confidence in myself that I can provide for my family and take a huge risk, I would not have done it.


Fuck the fact that I still had to work shifts by myself because you refused to offer me more help.

Fuck the fact that you promote all day immunizations but do not give us any time to do it.

Fuck the fact you expect us to help an old fuck choose his medicare part D plan for 15 minutes on a program which can't print, can't search, and can't even open half the fucking times!

Fuck the fact that you hold conference calls every single motherfucking week and repeat the same motherfucking things by talking to us like retarded fucking monkeys.

Fuck the fact that YOU FUCKED UP by losing Express Scripts and lost Billions....did I say BILLIONS!!!!!!! of fucking dollars and expected us little fucking peeons to go get it back for you.

Fuck the fact that you make us deny transfer calls from other pharmacies because you don't want to lose business. Guess what??? That's how this shit works, competition is always necessary! How dare you tell us to call a fucking customer and ask why they are transferring out!!!! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND?!?!?! Besides the obvious uncomfortableness, stop giving out $1090389744 gift cards and you won't have this FUCKING PROBLEM!

Fuck the fact you want us to deliver but don't give us a driver and expect me to go after my shift. FUCK YOU!